The House Of Spiders

               I run my own housekeeping business. Its real complex, let me tell you about it. Its me. I have my bucket full of all natural cleaners, some sponges, my mop and my dust pan and brush. I advertise on my own, set up my own appointments, confirm them, and keep them. I clean the houses top to bottom and get the job done, so to speak. Todays  house though, I was also my own spider getter. *shudders*
            Maybe to YOU this wasn't a big deal. But to ME, this was practically speaking, a pretty hard thing to chew. Something outright unnatural happens to me when I see a spider. I am not sure why this happens, but it has always happened for as long as I can remember. Maybe it was watching "Arachnophobia" with my mom as a small child. Or the hours I spent in the small concrete play house under the backyard porch. Years of therapy might get us to the route of this problem, but since there is no time or money for that, I will continue on to say, the fear is bad baby, the fear is BAD. I see it, and there is a jolt that comes deep within my body, then that electricity feeling you get when your heart suddenly forgets its supposed to be in your chest and leaps up into your throat and then, suddenly Im squealing, jumping up and down while flapping my hands like if by doing so, I will surely fly away. Doing this dance, mind you, in my sudden panic, will certainly make the offending beast retreat.        
                             But retreat it does not! Oh no, not these 8 hairy legged creatures! They come TO me, as if instead of sending warning signals with my "spider jig" I was doing some sort of love dance! Now normally, if I were in my own home, I would do this dance then run away. Grabbing the children and hiding with them in a safe place until I was certain the spider was gone. If hubby is home I will call on him to save all of our lives and release this spider into the wild! But since I was there, in the House of Spiders to clean it, I had to take these dire matters into my own two hands! Im running a honest business here after all....So I had to roll up my sleeves, and grab my dust brush, and do the unthinkable....
                           I had to kill the spiders. I wasn't even through the first room and I had felt like a mass murderer! See, I don't like spiders, but I don't feel they should die for it! As I got to the other rooms, I saw more spiders, but these ones seemed bigger then before, and more threatened by the spider jig, maybe their brothers and sisters and cousins and uncles had warned them about their enemy? All spiders were retreating to dark places that I couldn't reach.
                             I took this as them calling a truce. Waving the white flag! We surrender! We will leave on our own accord and will not return until you leave and we feel it safe.
                             So client that I cleaned for today, I did not rid you of all the spiders, but you are at least 20 down, and as I am confident that I did, in good conscious, kill all the dust bunnies, and grime monsters, you may in time, find that your moths are caught up in the webs, once more.
                               I will end my epic night with a whole hearted apology to all of those that I have made suffer tonight, and beg you please have mercy on my soul.
                                                   sincerely,
                                                Mother of Hobbits